“As I cuddled her to sleep last night, i watched her. I mean i just stared at her... those long lashes laid flush to soft cheeks, chubby fist raised & clenching invisible dreams, and the steady rise & fall of her chest. I watched in total awe of the rhythm of her. How, with her first breath she somehow filled space in me I didn’t know was empty. How the music of her, her squeaks and cries and laughter, has become my heart song. In awe of how I’ve only known her a year, but feel like I’ve loved her forever. I thought I understood “love” before but, as I lay open & numb on the operating table one year ago today and heard that strong, pure cry, I was crushed by a wave so intense it took my breath away. This parenthood thing is a trip. It makes you feel a fierce determination to protect this lil’ soul from life’s sharp edges, but also turns you soft so you post blubbering, mushy messages about them on social media that they’ll never see. And so it begins... Happy First Birthday my love.” – Mom, September 5 2018
“Happy 1st Birthday, Jaxon!! I am honored and humbled by your choice to have me as your father. In this privileged position I will endeavor to protect you and keep you safe from harm, but more importantly I will show you life. I will lay before your eyes everything so that you will know that you have choices and your choices are infinite. You can be whatever being you can imagine and then you can choose again as often as you like.
I understand that you are a whole and separate human - a soul with her own set of purposes. I honor that and will assist you in every way.
My love for you is and will in all ways be active and present. I will forever stand in excited awe as I watch you unfold. You, Jaxon, are my reason!” - Dad, September 5, 2018
You are one year old my dear… we made it! I was such a ball of anxiety for the first few months of your life, so afraid to make a mistake and hurt you. You were so small and delicate but now… NOW you are filling out the skin you’re in and blossoming into a full-fledged little human. It’s amazing to witness. Truly amazing. This month you socialized more than ever in your short life. We had a kiki with auntie Sara and her mom, friend Kristina and baby Grayson at Grandma Bev Sue’s and you watched the older kids on the rooftop so closely. I wish I knew what you were thinking! We also had a small birthday party for you in Holmby Park and you were definitely the bell of the ball. It was the most people you’ve had in your face ever and you did great! I had to wake you up from a deep sleep to take you to your part so your side-eye game was strong in the beginning, but you warmed up after a while and really seemed to have a good time. You are THISCLOSE to walking and we are just not ready for it, but like time passing, it seems it will be sooner than later. Your curls are really starting to come in, and I am so excited for the future afro puffs coming your way! You love to laugh with me… and love to give newcomers a healthy dose of side-eye until you warm up to them. You are still obsessed with Rumi and monk, and mommy & daddy’s phones. Grandma Connie got you a little computer and Grandpa Ron got you your own tablet… hopefully now you’ll leave our stuff alone! ;) As always, the month and year was a blur. Hard to believe that one year ago we met you, because it seems like you’ve been in our lives always. Happy 1st Birthday love bug!